Since my dad is a doctor, I naturally have been inclined to head in the direction of health care from a young age. As a little girl I would always say, “I wanna become a doctor, just like Daddy!” Of course, I never ACTUALLY considered pursuing medicine when I said this. It was all just talk.
But now, as a junior in high school, I’m really starting to consider what I want to do with my life in the near future. Do I want to be a doctor? A nurse? An engineer? A computer scientist? A journalist? The list goes on indefinitely.
So here’s the big question: What do I want to be?
These past months I’ve been desperately digging for answers EVERYWHERE. I’ve been asking my friends and family what they think I’d succeed in. I’ve taken multiple personality quizzes online to find out what my calling is.
The thing is, no one knows me better than myself. And at the end of the day, it is ME who will decide what I want to be when I grow up. And for some reason, my heart ALWAYS points me back into the direction of medicine.
For the past three weeks, I went through a “computer science” phase, in which I tried to force myself to like computer science. Everyone around me always say that computer science is the way to go, as computer scientists are in high demand in this technologically-based world, and they make good money right out of college. When I heard this, I immediately immersed myself in computer science. I went to computer science class every day with the most positive attitude I could muster, listened intently to what the teacher taught, and even went as far as taking online classes on computer science. But it all felt so contrived, so wrong. I don’t like computer science. I just don’t. I’m not especially gifted at it either- the whole programming thing isn’t for me. So after doing some soul searching, I realized that what I really want to do is help people. Save lives. Work for the greater good.
So now I’m back to wanting to pursue medicine. I told my dad this last night, and he said, “Good luck.” I was mildly offended, as I thought he was implying that I didn’t have what it took to enter such a competitive field. But he went on and said that life as a doctor is not easy at all. Well, of course I know this. Nothing rewarding is ever easy. But saving lives is so worth it.
Of course, I do wonder if I have what it takes to become a doctor. I get straight A’s in all my science classes, but I have to work really hard to earn these grades. I don’t love chemistry, physics, or biology. But my dad once told me that doctors don’t have to love science- they just have to not mind it. And there’s the other issue of me being shy, uncertain in my abilities, lacking confidence. Doctors have to have an ego in order to be doing what they do. People’s lives rest in their hands. I know that right now, as an sixteen year old girl, I am far from having the confidence and stability that doctors need. I am not a confident leader, yet. But I have absolute faith in myself that I will become a confident leader one day.
Some of you may be reading this and wondering, “Why the heck is a sixteen year old girl so stressed out about her future?” And you’re right. I know I have a long way to go. College is the time when I can explore different things and really find my calling. Right now, I should really just enjoy my time in high school and not worry years in advanced. Who knows? Maybe medicine feels right now, but perhaps down the road I’ll come across something I love even more. There are simply too many questions that can’t be answered at this point in my life. I just gotta enjoy the ride.