End of Week 4 Reflection

Hey guys! It’s 3:05am right now as I start this post. My friends went out to a Halloween party tonight, but I decided to stay in, as I have an influx of midterms (round 2) coming up next week. Gotta study study study!

Sleep, again, is a lost cause tonight. Probably because of that double shot pumpkin spice latte I drank at 11:00pm. On the bright side, at least I have more time and energy to write this post!

Lots have happened these past couple days! Yesterday, my parents gave me and Austin a surprise visit from home. I think the real reason they came down was to deliver food to me, to make sure my roommates and I weren’t starving in our apartment. Quite frankly, they came at just the right time, as we literally had no food in our apartment, and none of us had the incentive to go grocery shopping, with the vast amount of studying we all had to do. But man… how great are my parents? Seriously… they drove the 12 hour round-trip commute, just to give me homemade food. I don’t know anyone else who’d do that. I love my parents. Their love for their children is boundless. They are truly the best. I’m excited to see them again in a few weeks, for Thanksgiving holiday!

Next topic of discussion– studying. Goodness. It’s been a true ordeal, studying for midterms. I’ve been having so much difficulty with concentration, which has never been a problem for me until now. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it has something to do with me stopping my medications. By the way, I started taking my meds again, after my dad brought me a fresh prescription of Prozac. Hopefully, once the medications kick in, I will feel more like myself.

My inability to focus when studying may also stem from the mania, which has been creeping back since I stopped taking Lamictal and Abilify, the mood stabilizers. I can’t sit still for long periods of time. Eventually, I gave up on sitting while studying, and resorted to standing up, with my books and laptop conveniently placed on a cardboard box. I pace around when trying to grasp concepts. It scares me that I no longer seem to have full control over my mind. I’ve always prided myself on my ability to focus for long stretches of time. Now, I cannot boast such a quality.

I know I want to major in psychology, but none of the prerequisite courses for the psych major are truly related to what I wish to study. This quarter, I’m taking a statistics class, a “science for non-science majors” course, and elementary Russian. All of these classes have their respective difficulties. I have the notoriously difficult professor for my stats class; the pseudo-science class I’m taking, as interesting as it may be, is more challenging than expected; and don’t even get me started on Russian… a very difficult language indeed.

I will be seeing my psychiatrist down in SoCal tomorrow, so I hope talking to her about my recent mental battles will alleviate some of my stress.

To be honest, I’m almost halfway through my college journey, and I have not enjoyed most of my courses– especially not the science ones. I have hopes that, once I hit the upper division classes, things will get more interesting, as such courses will align better with my interests. I’m starting on my potential English minor/major next quarter, taking English 4W. Very excited for that. And I plan on taking a psych upper div class, which should be very engaging. Things will get better, I know it.

Dance. Seriously guys, dance has been the reason I’m still sane. Whenever I feel like my brain is going to explode, and I can go no further with my studying, I break out my dance shoes and release pent-up tension and negativity. I’m so blessed that I have dance as a passion and outlet.

Last night, my friends and I went out to get Halloween costumes. I’m going to be a 1920s flapper girl this year! I’m so happy I’m not sick this year on Halloween, like I was last year. I shudder at the memory of being bed-ridden with a nasty respiratory/GI virus last year around this time. The tossing and turning in my tangled bed sheets; cold sweats and shivers; hacking cough; dizziness upon standing up; going to the bathroom every ten minutes; not feeling strong enough to eat food; etc. etc. Yeah, it was a trying time. And my illness hit me right around the time of midterms, which was a nightmare! But this year, there’s none of that. Probably ’cause I’m living in an apartment, which is a lot cleaner than the crowded quarters of the dorms.

I really really want to go to a Halloween party on Tuesday with my friends, but I have a midterm on Thursday for my science class… That’s why I’ve been staying up so late– to study hard so I can have fun on Halloween day.

Alrighty, guys! It’s 3:30am now. Starting to feel the drowsiness sink in. Gonna get some shut-eye and start again tomorrow!

Have a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia

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