Turning 20: New Decade, New Me

Hello friends! Welcome to my first blog post of age 20. Man… I still can’t believe I’m embarking on this new decade of life. I feel so old, lol!

The last month of my teens were wild beyond imagine. I suppose all of that bottled up teenage angst and rebellion that had been so well-suppressed for most of my adolescence unleashed itself during the month of February. Now that I’ve experienced my fair share of the “college experience”, I’m happy to say that I aim to live a more wholesome life from here on out. I’m not saying that I’ll completely cut myself off from partying and other activities of that persuasion, but I will indulge in such vices in moderation. It is time to get my life back on track. I am 20 years old now, and I must live up to the responsibility that such a number entails.

First off, I will take better care of my body. Limit the junk food and substance consumption. Exercise and dance regularly. I will begin my regimen once I recover from this annoying flu.

Secondly, I need to start holding myself to a higher degree of financial responsibility. I’ve been blessed to never have had to worry about money growing up. The thing is, my father is retiring soon, and money will no longer be a luxury I can take for granted. Especially not now, while my brothers and I are in college, and money is tight. I can no longer mindlessly spend on non-necessities like clothes and restaurant food. It’s time to hold myself accountable and be a smarter consumer.

Thirdly, I aim to take better care of my mental health. That means sticking to my medication regimen. As a person with bipolar disorder, I have a love-hate relationship with my meds; at one, they stabilize my mercurial moods and give me a semblance of normalcy. On the other hand, the meds take away the highs that come with my disorder, and this is the very part I hate. I stumbled across a quote the other day that perfectly encapsulates my sentiment: “Don’t take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.” The medications help me through my depressive lows, yes; but in doing so, they also take away my hypomanic episodes. My therapist often cautions me against romanticizing bipolar disorder and its corresponding manias, for no matter how on top of the world you may feel while high, you are still, at the core, ill. I mustn’t stop my meds in an attempt to recapture the highs I used to experience at the onset of my illness. Usually, when I stop my medications, I end up relapsing into a depression, rather than float back up to the clouds. So not taking my mood stabilizers ends up hurting me further. I must diligently heed the advice of medical professionals, and neither self-medicate nor stop my medications without consulting my psychiatrist. I must find a regular therapist down in Los Angeles whom I can talk to on a weekly basis– not just when I’m in dire need of help. By then, it will be too late.

Alrighty folks, I must head back to my studies. I don’t enjoy studying (honestly, who does??) but it’s my job, as a student. I’m not sure if I told y’all this already, but I have plans to graduate by spring of next year. My current plan is to take a gap year(s) between undergrad and grad school, to pursue my dancing dreams (yes, in spite of everything, my dream is still alive as ever). After I’ve given dance a fair go, I will return to school and study to become a therapist/researcher/writer of some sort. Maybe I’ll even go into academia and become a university professor! Who knows? The world is my oyster!

I had originally planned on taking summer classes, but have since decided not to, as I am still on track to graduate early, with or without the extra summer quarter. Might as well save money and live at home, whilst working part-time and dancing my heart out. I’m feeling something I haven’t felt in a while– hope and ambition. Setting goals for myself is also a great way to keep my depressive lows at bay (hey, that rhymed!).

Ok, time to end this blog for real. Catch you guys later!






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