BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING

Hi guys! Happy first day of December! 🙂

As some of you may know, these past couple months have been very difficult for me. Transitioning into post-grad life, moving back home to the Bay Area and leaving behind my life of three years in LA all proved very very difficult. I think all transitions are hard, but especially so for people struggling with mental illness.

The depression got so bad that I actually went to the ER for a psychiatric emergency. It was only after the ER visit that I got the help I needed. For the past week, I’ve been going to IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) three times a week, MWF. That, in addition to my bipolar and anxiety groups and acupuncture treatment, has kept me super busy. The good news is, I feel immensely supported. I was stuck in a free-fall for the past two months, each day getting closer and closer to the sweet release of death that would take me away from this cruel, cruel world. Finally, after my last cry for help, I was caught by a safety net. I’m happy to say that I am no longer in a crisis situation. I am out of the woods. I marvel at the fact that, only a couple weeks ago, I was contemplating suicide. And now, here I am, feeling on top of the world with high-flying goals and grandiose ambitions. I suppose such is the very nature of bipolar disorder.

I wonder why it took cutting myself and going to the ER for me to get the help I so needed. Before that, I was going to my two groups each week and attending one-on-one therapy once a month… but that was it. The rest, I had to do on my own. I was drowning in my own misery,  and without the proper support system, I had no way of escaping the darkness.

Well, here I am, out of the worst part of my depression. After the ER visit, I saw my psychiatrist, who changed my medication regimen. That immediately kicked-started me back to life, and I was finally able to get out of bed each morning (an impossible task, before). Once I was able to get out of the house, I started reaching out to friends in the Bay Area. I had lunch with my good friend from UCLA, Mindi, which was a blast. I also attended a Bay Area Bruins Alumni Friendsgiving dinner, where I met fellow Bruins of all ages and backgrounds. Yesterday, I had dinner with my high school friend Rachel, and my UCLA friend Chelsea. After eating at The Old Spaghetti Factory, we watched the new movie, “Frozen 2”. I loved this sequel almost as much as I enjoyed the first film! Lovely, inspirational soundtrack.

I think there’s a “point of no return” in every depressive cycle. Once you have crossed that line, no amount of willpower can get you out of the hole. You need some external intervention, be it from your team of healthcare providers, family, friends, or even a divine power, to get you out of the depression. It’s only when you’re out of the woods that you can take preemptive steps to STAY out of the woods. For me, things like taking long walks, writing, dancing, and meeting up with friends help a lot. Keeping busy with a structured day is so important for people with depression.

So anyway, I’m going to end this post here. I need to walk the mile-long trek home from the café I’m sitting at, and it’ll be dark very soon. I’ll talk to you guys soon!

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia

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